Apparently Wind Turbines (I still call them Windmills) are swatting birds and bats out of the sky, usually killing them instantly (or letting gravity finish off this heinous act). This is disappointing for two reasons; for one we humans can’t do anything right, and secondly birds aren’t as elusive as Tweety Bird and Roadrunner taught me to believe.

I’ve devised several solutions to stop these bloodthirsty Turbines:

A.) Put numerous air chambers in the blades to emit loud sound as they caught wind. These chambers could be tuned to mimic certain frequencies, like the screech of an eagle or falcon. Birds would take note of the incoming squeal, that is for sure.

B.) Increase the number of blades to make the Turbine more visible. It would also be an eye-catching chorus of motion.

C.) Put colorful streamers on each blade. It would be noisy, colorful, and too much motion to ignore - much like a used car dealership.

D.) Of course the Turbine is killing stuff - it’s white (racist humor is a requirement of every post here). Jokes aside, these should be painted in a more visible color. Something to stand out against the sky.

E.) Install lights to make the Turbine visible at night. It looks cool and would be fun to mess with tourists (the Zormac Aliens are back! Aaaaaahhhh save yourselves!!!)

F.) Decrease the blade wingspan, put multiple turbines on one tower, and encircle with a tall net like the ones you’d find at a golf driving range.

G.) (not depicted) Take a page from the Reavers and tie dead carcasses of birds to every blade. Yes I know you grow weary of me using “corpses tied to stuff” as a practical solution, but darnit it’s a staple of this blog!