Films That Can Be Salvaged Part 7: Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen (2009)

The rundown: Released in 2009 just 2 years after the first Transformers film, Revenge of the Fallen was a huge commercial success. Despite being a box-office smash, the film took a pounding from critics and received a lot of derision from fans. Even the film’s Director Michael Bay has admitted this film was a mess, citing issues as the writer’s strike and the hurried production schedule. In light of the recently-released Dark of the Moon, it’s safe to say this film is the Achilles Heel of the trilogy.

What made it great: Unlike the previous 6 films I’ve profiled, this one is not a good film that fell just short of greatness - it just plain stunk. But if I had to name some highlights: Optimus Prime is a heroic, respectable character that lends the film credibility - reminiscent of how Magneto and Wolverine kept X3 afloat (barely). Peter Cullen should be commended for the voice portrayal. Shia LaBeouf certainly tries to keep the film together, and you cannot accuse of him phoning this one in, but he can only do so much. The action sequences and effects are also very competent. Other than that this film has little than can be declared ‘great’.

What can be fixed: A lot can be fixed. But it would take a large effort akin to the ‘Phantom Edit‘ (where a fan re-edited the Phantom Menace to remove the majority of scenes featuring Jar Jar Binks).

First off, a lot of the unnecessary quipping can go. Many scenes seem to end with a lame-duck line or joke that just wasn’t needed. For example: an early scene features Optimus Prime warning the army “…what if we leave, and you’re wrong?” which is a perfect line. Very ominous, something to chew on - end scene, right? Nope. The scene lingers and we have Lennox chirp: “That’s a good question.” And that jokey line was the last impression of a tension-filled scene.

There are extraneous lines of dialogue that reside at either the start or the conclusion of any given scene that can be excised. That’s where the majority of the cuts could happen. “….without the Energon, the hatchlings will keep dying!” blah blah blah inconsequential.

Entire scenes can also be cut, because they don’t serve the story in any way. Sam going to the frat party that was interrupted by Bumblebee, who then took Sam to the cemetery to meet Optimus was a long stretch that didn’t need to happen. Because in the end Optimus’ request of Sam to be some kind of human ambassador was vague and nothing was really gained from this whole diversion. Optimus disclosing the spark was stolen to Sam was also redundant information to the audience. The film can just jump to Sam getting jumped by the robot girl. Speaking of which, Robo-girl’s interest in Sam, and his craziness, were also established prior to all this happening, another reason for the party scene to get the axe.

A lot of the minor characters could also be given less screen time, like the geek roommates at the dorm, the professor, and most of all - Sam’s parents. They are likeable, but they are better in smaller doses. The plot point of them taking a trip to Europe, and then later being captured by Decepticons while there, can be cut from the film. It would serve to surprise the audience to have the ‘Cons show up with Sam’s Parents in the third act - the audience can deduce the parents were kidnapped. Or remove the parents completely after the first act and let the audience think they are safe in Paris, sipping on wine.

The human characters are not the only ones that need to see the cutting room floor. A few robots could be given less of a role, none more so than Jetfire. His rambling-on was nonsensical. I’d remove the bits that outed him as a Decepticon, and fast-track to him teleporting the group to the desert (it can be assumed he is a good guy). Also the little Wheels RC robot could be reduced in screen-time as well. The audience does not need to see a robot humping Megan Fox’s leg.

You’d think I would want the twins (Skids and Mudflap) gone, but it would underscore one of the film’s few payoffs - when Bumblebee smashes their heads together and tosses them away like garbage. A few scenes featuring the twins could be reduced, but there is no way to hide them.

A few other snippets could get the axe - Agent Simmons stripping down again (ugh), the wrecking balls on Devastator, the Yankee fan border crossing, Kitten calendars - all useless. Mikeala’s airport travel scenes and approach to Sam’s dorm can be nixed as well, as it would be more surprising to have her interrupt Robo-girl and Sam kissing.

Without turning this into a thesis, long story short: there is a lot you could cut from the film to make it leaner and meaner. I usually prescribe stuff that can be chopped or re-edited. But this film needs way more. Some additions I’d like to see:

Replace the film’s score with one sounding more like it’s trilogy brethren. As I’ve said before, it sounds too noisy with screeching guitar and record scratching. The film needs some timeless orchestra accompaniment to

A few new scenes are needed: The climax fight with Optimus, Megatron, and the Fallen needs to be prolonged, as it pales in length and scope to the forest fight from the first act. A smoother transition from the Air museum to Egypt would be welcome - maybe Jetfire could fly everyone there, or use a space bridge (seen in TF3). A scene to explain why the film’s villain (and title character) was missing for most of the ending would be helpful, as he shows up like an afterthought. I’d also like to see Optimus ask a few more questions of the downed ‘Con at the beginning of the film, instead of executing him - seemed rather cold.

The idea of repairing this film is all very pie-in-the-sky. If not for the (arguably poor) Special Edition treatment of Star Wars and E.T., and the subsequent fallout from fans, studios might be more inclined to ‘fix’ some of their films. With ROTF already being so profitable, it could use a tune-up to bolster the legacy of this trilogy going forward. Maybe a 3D re-release? Here is hoping.